


On the Ball

by snarky_saxophonist



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: AU - Women in MLB, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-26
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-12-18 09:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18246953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snarky_saxophonist/pseuds/snarky_saxophonist
Summary: Some days, it really, really sucks to be one of the few female players in MLB.





	On the Ball

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, this is a work of fiction and is not intended to reflect real life in any way. If you or someone you know personally is tagged in this, please close out now.

It's so weird for Kyle, remembering now, how annoyed she'd been the first time Willy had been assigned to catch for her.

It'd been the first day of spring training, back in 2016, and Kyle had been well aware that there was going to be another girl there. Rizzo's ribbing about it had been good natured, of course, but Kyle was more than over being treated differently just because she happened to be one of the few women playing in Major League Baseball. And then she'd gotten to spring training, ready to jump back in and prove to the world yet again that women could, in fact, play baseball and play it well, and the one female catcher is assigned to her.

Kyle'd spent the day snapping off fastballs with as much precision as she could manage that early on, conferring with the coaches and barely talking to her catcher. 

Now, though, Kyle couldn't imagine anyone she'd trust more behind the plate. Willy's a fantastic catcher and always has Kyle's back, and has become Kyle's best friend on the team. It's convenient, in some ways, because they were automatically placed together as roommates when Willy got called up. But Willy's got a wicked sense of humor, and she gets it in a way none of the guys on the team ever could.

"Alright?" Willy asks, trotting out to the mound with her mitt over her mouth. "Your curve felt a little off the past few pitches. You hurting?"

Kyle shakes her head slightly, not allowing her frustration to show on her face as she, too, covers her mouth with her glove. "Shoulder's flying open a little, I think. I'm fine."

"Okay." Willy nods sharply, flashing a smile. "You've got this guy. Just get it done."

Kyle nods again, and Willy pats her on the thigh once before jogging back to the plate. She calls for a fastball inside, just enough to catch the edge of the plate. Kyle nods, breathes, and puts the ball exactly where Willy had wanted it for a called strike two. Another fastball that gets fouled back, and Kyle throws a filthy changeup that gets the guy to go down swinging for the third out.

Willy jogs ahead of Kyle, holding out her hand for a first bump as she always does. Not lifting her head and keeping her gaze fixed on the dugout, Kyle lightly taps her glove against Willy's hand, a silent thanks for her catcher.

They pull out a win, 9-0, and Kyle goes 7 before Joe pulls her. She tries, as always, not to get annoyed at the quick hook he always seems to have. Jon would've been left in, for at least another batter if not the whole next inning.

But Kyle does get the win, and she gets to have an easy time of it with the media before going out with the team. She doesn't drink, never has and never plans to, but she can chill with Kris and Willy and whoever's starting the next day. Drunk teammates are frequently amusing, anyways.

"Hey there, beautiful." Someone slides into the seat Kris had just left to go to the bathroom, and Kyle stiffens. "Can I buy you a drink?"

"No thanks, I don't drink," Kyle says, giving the man a flat, obviously fake smile. He doesn't get the hint.

"Come on, just one won't hurt," the guy pushes. "Or I could take you home and make you one of my famous gin and tonics."

Wow, this guy's forward. Normally Kyle at least gets the guy's name before he tries to get her to go home with him. 

"I really don't drink," Kyle says, pushing aside her natural inclination to be icily polite. She doesn't need to be polite at all, not with the team here. "And sorry, but my friend was sitting there and I think he's coming back now."

She doesn't see Kris coming back from the bathroom, but he's gotta be on his way. And she's beyond done with this guy.

"Aw, don't be like that, sweetheart," he says, reaching out and putting a hand on her knee. Kyle recoils at the touch, knocking his hand away and glowering.

Cole chooses that moment to show up and tap her on the shoulder. "This guy bothering you, bud?"

"I can handle him," Kyle says easily. She knows Cole knows that, which is the only thing that makes his intervention palatable. 

"Regardless, I don't like guys who don’t understand what the word no means," Cole says, giving the other guy a burning glare. 

"Well, maybe your girlfriend shoulda mentioned that she's taken earlier," the guy snaps.

"He’s not my boyfriend, and maybe you shoulda pissed off when I shot you down earlier," Kyle shoots back. The guy rolls his eyes, but finally leaves. Cole watches until he's disappeared into the crowd, then squeezes Kyle's shoulder.

"You alright?" Cole asks, sliding into the seat next to her.

"Yeah, just the usual. Thanks for stepping in."

"The usual?" Cole looks surprised, and Kyle remembers that he's still new to the team. 

"Didn't you have this with some of the women on your previous teams? Guys are insistent and obnoxious at best when we go out, just about every time. It's why I don't go out often."

"I mean, I saw it a time or two before now, and the women on the Phillies had a standing arrangement that one of us would step in and pretend to be her boyfriend. But I hadn't realized it was such a constant thing."

"Yep," Kyle says, smiling bitterly. "One of the many shitty things about being a woman who plays baseball."

"Sorry," Cole says sympathetically.

"Yeah, well." Kyle shrugs with one shoulder. "I'm a starting pitcher for a playoff contender, what more could I ask for? Anyways, I'm gonna head out for the night. Thanks for stepping in."

"Night," Cole says, lifting a hand in a wave as Kyle pushes back from the bar. "Good game tonight."

Kyle just nods in response, tossing a general goodbye at the rest of the team and getting a chorus in return. It was a good game, because she's a damn good pitcher, and some stupid asshole at a bar isn't going to ruin her night.

Max greets her with a loud series of meows when she gets home, barely letting Kyle walk in before being all over her. And screw guys, because all Kyle really needs is her cat and baseball.

 

Kyle wakes the next morning to an onslaught of texts and notifications, the sheer number comparable to when she'd been announced as a Cy Young finalist or when she'd won the World Series. There's a sudden, irrational moment of fear that she's been traded before she unlocks her phone and opens her news app.

Under the sports section, the first article headline catches her eye. _2016 NL Cy Young Voters' Emails Leaked, Reveal Sexist Bias._

Kyle sits upright, pushing Max's head away from her phone. It can't be. The article can't be talking about her.

There's no way to deal with anything but head on, so Kyle taps on the article and waits anxiously for it to load. It has to be referring to something else, some other pitcher who'd finished lower in the voting. Madison Bumgarner, maybe. She'd finished fourth, hadn't she?

_The 2016 awards have long since been released, but new developments have just been discovered, nearly two years since the voting. Anonymous sources posted emails today from Bob Nightengale and Jon Heyman, the authenticity of which have not been confirmed by the supposed authors. Other sources, however, who spoke on condition of anonymity, believe the emails to be real._

_From: BobNightengale@gmail.com_   
_To: JonHeyman@gmail.com_   
_Subject: Cy Young_

_Hey Jon, just looking to hear your thoughts on the awards. One of my ballots for this year is the NL Cy Young, and Kyle Hendricks' name has been mentioned a lot in that conversation. It seems to me a perversion of the award's meaning to award it to a girl. Her results weren't bad, sure, but they seem to be more from the men playing award-worthy defense behind her than from Hendricks' pitching. I don't know how baseball has gotten to the point where so many feel the need to give the award to a girl instead of any of the men who had almost as good results._

_I know we're not supposed to, but I heard that you're also voting for NL Cy Young. Is that true? What are your thoughts on Hendricks?_

 

_From: JonHeyman@gmail.com_   
_To: BobNightengale@gmail.com_   
_Subject: Re: Cy Young_

_The rumors are true, Bob, and I've been having the same dilemma as you. I'm sure Cy Young wouldn't want the award named in his honor to go to a girl who does none of the work in pitching and can't even hit ninety on the gun. I'd feel odd leaving her out of the voting entirely, though, and if my ballot was ever released it could reflect poorly on my judgment. I'll rank her ninth, probably. I'm voting Scherzer first, because I think he's the clear front runner aside from Hendricks. I'd suggest you do the same. I'll try to subtly reach out to a few other voters who may feel similarly to us, see if they'll also put Scherzer first to knock Hendricks out of it._

 

_No other emails were released, but the first place votes were split between Hendricks and Scherzer, with a single vote going to Jon Lester, Hendricks' teammate. Hendricks led the majors in ERA in 2016, with an impressive 2.13 ERA. One criticism of her pitching that year was that her manager had an earlier hook than with some of the other pitchers who received votes. Furthermore, some, such as Heyman in those emails, believe the Cubs' excellent defense in 2016 led to the success of Hendricks, a pitcher who consistently induces weak contact._

_Hendricks was NL Pitcher of the Month in August of 2016 and NL Player of the Week the week of August 7th, 2016. She also received the MLB Players Choice NL Outstanding Pitcher. She finished that season with 16 wins, 5th in the NL and with a .667 winning percentage, also 5th in the National League. Her other underlying stats were among the best in the league, and she started Game 7 of the World Series, which the Cubs won._

_If the votes of Nightengale and Heyman were discounted, Hendricks would have had the majority points and would have been the first woman to win any of Major League Baseball's major awards._

 

Kyle stares down at her phone, blinking at the last sentence of the article for so long that her phone screen goes black. It can't be right. She can't have lost the Cy Young solely because of a couple of sexist voters, could she? Scherzer was excellent that year, too. And Kyle's far from the first female player in MLB, people should be over it by now.

Never mind the boos that still greet Kyle and Willy no matter where they go, and the signs that pop up whenever Kyle starts telling her to go back to softball or to stop ruining baseball. As if a single female pitcher could do that and not Rob Manfred's dumb measures or the hatred still rampant in the sport.

Ignoring her notifications for the time being, Kyle shuts off her phone and replaces it on her bedside table. She has a job to do. Even if some people still think women can't play baseball, she won a ballgame last night and has a workout to get through.

 

Before she goes to find the strength coach, she stops to poke her head into the PR office. Maci, the head of PR, looks up when Kyle knocks and immediately gets a pitying look on her face.

"I'm not doing press today, and I'm not going to comment on it at all," Kyle tells her, hardening her tone so Maci won't argue. It's an important skill to have when dealing with locker rooms full of guys.

"Okay," Maci agrees easily, nodding and starting to type rapidly at her computer. Kyle waits for a moment to see if she's going to say anything else, and ducks out when it becomes evident that Maci's done with the conversation.

There aren't that many people in the locker room when she gets there, since she's pretty early, but everyone who is in there goes completely silent the moment she crosses into the room. Kyle walks straight to her locker, waiting for them to start talking again. They're still silent by the time she gets there, so she turns around to face the room.

"Half of you told me you thought I deserved the Cy Young after that season ended, no matter what the votes said. What my teammates think means more to me than a bunch of old, dumb baseball writers. I don't care, especially two seasons later, and I'm done talking about it. Okay?"

Rizzo, unsurprisingly, is the first one to speak. "You still deserved the damn award. You were the best damn pitcher in the league that year and fuck anybody who thinks differently. You're a fucking elite pitcher, man."

"She's not a man, Rizz, wasn't that the dumbasses' whole issue?" Bryant pipes up.

"Shut up, stupid." Rizzo swats Kris on the arm, grinning. "Kyle, we'll follow your lead on this. What do you want us to do?"

"I'm not saying anything. Do whatever you all want, it's fine with me." Kyle waits for nods and acknowledgements, then turns back to her locker to change for her workout. If she shows up at the park with a sports bra and spandex shorts already on, she's perfectly comfortable changing in the main locker room. Before starts, she'll use the smaller women's locker room to get a little more privacy, but her preference is to be with the team as much as possible. 

Nobody says anything else to her, but as soon as she leaves the locker room, she can hear Rizzo's raised voice, addressing the locker room at large, and she can't help but smile. People in general might suck, but her team's always got her back.

Tim Buss takes one look at her when she joins him in the weight room and shakes his head. "I take it it'll be an angry workout today, huh?"

Kyle nods jerkily, not trusting herself to speak without yelling. 

"Let's get started, then. And Kyle? You got nothing to prove, so don't push yourself too hard and be stupid."

Kyle nods again, wishing people could stop talking about it already. It's not like it'll change a damn thing. Nightengale and Heyman won't face any consequences, and they're not going to go back in time and give her the Cy Young. All she can do is work her ass off and try to show the world that she is a good pitcher.

Twenty minutes into her workout, Lester comes into the weight room. He nods once at her but moves off on his own, doing his own series of cardio exercises while Kyle lets Buss push her. 

"Good job," Buss says after a couple of hours, holding out a hand for a high five as Kyle takes a long drag of water. "Keep winning and we'll get to keep having fun."

"Fun, that's what it is," Kyle mutters, but grins anyways. There's nothing like a good hard workout to clear her mind.

Buss claps her on the shoulder and leaves the room, and Jon immediately stops in his burpees. He hadn't been in the locker room when she'd come in earlier, so he hadn't heard her declaration.

"I know, I know, you don't want to talk about it," Jon says, holding his hands up. "I just want to say that it's colossal fucking bullshit. Those guys are dipshits who deserve to never get paid for anything in connection to sports again and you deserved the Cy Young. I'll tell the whole damn world that you deserved it, too. This is fucking horseshit and you don't deserve to deal with it."

Kyle swallows hard, closing her eyes for a second. "Thanks, Jon. Guess I'll just have to go out there and prove them all wrong."

Jon's expression hardens. "The hell you do. You already have. You just need to go out there and keep being you."

 

The last thing Kyle expects is for Brandon Kintzler to pair up with her to do some long toss later that afternoon. They change partners fairly often, but Kyle's barely talked to Kintzler before. 

"Hey," Kintzler says to her before they head in. "I, uh, I talked to Scherzer today. He wanted me to say that he's furious about what Nightengale and Heyman did and that he's going to petition the league to redo the voting so you can get the award you deserved."

Kyle stops walking, turning to stare at her teammate. There's no way she heard that properly, is there?

"Tell him thank you, but I really don't want that. He had a hell of the year and deserved the Cy Young," Kyle says quickly. It's nice to hear she's so well thought of by other damn good starting pitchers, though.

"Are you sure? Max doesn't want to take an award you deserved."

"I appreciate it, but I am sure," Kyle says firmly. The last thing she wants is even more of a fuss over this. She would prefer if it had just never happened, but as is, she wants it to blow over as quickly as possible.

Kintzler doesn't particularly look like he understands, and Kyle's not in the mood to explain. She just nods at him and walks back into the clubhouse.

One of the clubhouse attendants greets her at her locker, smiling faintly. "Morning, Kyle," he says politely. "I couldn't find your bag in with the others, did you leave it somewhere else?"

Fuck. In all the craziness this morning, Kyle had completely forgotten that they're leaving straight from Wrigley for the airport. She doesn't even have her phone, let alone her travel bag.

"Sorry, I completely forgot it," she admits. "I'll run home and grab it now. Still want it in the usual place, or is there somewhere else I should put it?"

"Just the usual spot is fine," the attendant says. He turns to leave the room and Kyle lets her head thunk against her locker, closing her eyes. So maybe she's a little more upset than she'd thought. It's fine. She doesn't have anything else she needs to do before the game today, so it's not like going home is going to cause an issue. And she'll be away for when the media is allowed into the clubhouse for pregame interviews, so it's perfect timing, really. 

Max is thrilled to see her, curling around her legs as Kyle tries to get the remaining stuff she needs packed as quickly as possible. She gives in after a few minutes, sitting down on the kitchen floor so she can properly pet her cat. The purring starts almost immediately in response, drawing a genuine smile out of Kyle for one of the first times today. Max doesn't care about dumb pitching awards, she just wants Kyle to love her.

All too soon, though, she drops a kiss on Max's head and gets back up, heart twisting at the petulant little meow of protest. It only takes her five minutes to throw the rest of her stuff in her bag and reluctantly scoop up her phone, giving Max one last pat before leaving again.

It's nice, in a way, to be the most average looking woman on the planet. Brown hair, brown eyes, plain features, nothing that stands out in a crowd. As long as she doesn't wear Cubs stuff and puts on a plain black ballcap, people either don't notice her or get that she wants to be left alone.

It's really nice to have the option to walk. A lot of the guys can't do that without getting noticed, and she doubts Willy can either. Because Willy - well. Willy's objectively gorgeous. She's got such thick, long hair that Kyle always wants to run her fingers through. And the way her eyes and entire face light up when she throws a runner out, or hits a homer, or is happy for her pitcher or any other time she's happy, is beautiful. 

Kyle's not jealous, not exactly, because in a lot of ways it's easier for her, looking so unremarkable. Yeah, she still has to deal with shitty guys in her DMs and at bars and the usual bullshit, but it's got to be worse for Willy. 

Back at the park, Kyle drops off her bag and heads back to her locker to change for the game. The media's cleared out already, thankfully, and the entire team by now has the memo to leave her alone. She only gets the usual chorus of greetings, with an extra pat on the shoulder from Willy, but that's just Willy.

Jon has a strong outing, the offense shows up early and often, and Kyle can enjoy the game from the dugout with no stress. She high fives Jon when he comes out of the game, goes through the usual line of high fives once they win, but doesn't follow the rest of the team back into the clubhouse. She leans against the wall of the tunnel, just far enough down that nobody in the ballpark will be able to see her. If she goes back to her locker, she's sure there will be a deluge of media, despite her not having played tonight.

She waits for probably close to twenty minutes, until the noise of the park has completely faded, then steps out of the tunnel. The lights are still on, but the stands are empty, and she walks over to the rail. Her searching gaze takes in the field, by now clear of grounds crew. 

The field's hers. When she's out there, it's hers to control. She can't do anything four out of five days, but during her starts, it's hers. 

Except it's not really, she's realizing. Yeah, there's always been at least nine other players on the field with her, but she's always prided herself on being the one who determines whether the batter reaches base or is out. It's her game, her results, her win or loss. But two - or more - sexist award voters could completely ignore the results and her pitching just because they don't like that she's a woman. And the awards don't matter, the results matter, but if the results can be easily dismissed because of her gender, do the results really matter? What's the point in going out and pitching if she’ll never be considered the one responsible for a positive outcome?

"Hey, profesora!" Javy's voice echoes down the tunnel, followed by footsteps. Kyle doesn't turn around yet, waiting for Javy to join her on the rail. "You okay? The media's about to clear out, so you should be good to go back in."

"It's never bothered me this much before," Kyle says, not turning her gaze. "I guess I always chalked it up to people being uneducated or jealous." Not that her parents were either of those, but that's different.

"It's stupid, no matter their reason," Javy says. "But I don't really know what it's like, so I can't say anything about how you feel. It just sucks."

"You don't really know what it's like?" Kyle asks, turning away from the field to meet her teammate's eyes. "I hear a lot that I'm disrespecting the game just by playing. Ring any bells?"

Javy smiles ruefully, cheer dimming visibly. "Yeah. But I know you're used to that level of people being shitty. It's different when it's people who are supposed to be experts and national writers. And stupid fans can't directly affect awards, and these guys did."

"Yeah." Kyle sighs, casting one last glance over the field. "I guess I'd better go get ready."

Javy squeezes Kyle's bicep. "It sucks. But you'll still be great, and they'll still be stupid."

"Thanks," Kyle returns, giving him a smile that's mostly genuine. She pushes back from the rail to return to the clubhouse, sticking her head in briefly before she goes in to be sure that all of the reporters have cleared out. Rizzo, shirtless already, gives her a thumbs up to signal the all clear, so Kyle heads over to her locker, studiously ignoring the joking whistles and guys theatrically trying to cover up. They don't resort to those antics often, so she's pretty sure it's just an act to distract her. 

Most of the team is done showering, but she doesn't need to again, so she just grabs her backpack and phone, heading to the bus they'll be taking to the airport so she can get a seat to herself. 

Kyle keeps her earbuds in for the duration of the bus and plane rides, sitting next to Jon on the plane. He spends the entire time sleeping, as she'd known he would do, so nobody tries to talk to her until she and Willy get to their shared hotel room in Philadelphia. 

Willy drops her bag in the corner and flops on the far bed, groaning. Trailing after her, Kyle puts her bag on top of the luggage stand and her backpack next to the other bed, then goes over to tap her catcher on the shoulder.

"Alright there?" she asks, raising an eyebrow when all Willy does is groan and flop over onto her back.

"I'm tired, and everything seems to be about those dumbasses Nightengale and Heyman," Willy complains. 

Kyle winces. She still hasn't checked her phone. Obviously she's talked to her teammates, and she knows there won't be anything from her parents. Her sister, maybe, but she and Tori barely talk, and anyways Tori hates baseball for splitting their family apart. She probably hasn't even seen anything about it.

"Sorry, I didn't mean for this to blow up and affect the rest of you."

Willy sits completely upright, tugging at Kyle's arm until she sits down on the bed and lets Willy pull her into a hug.

"This is not your fault," Willy insists. "It's entirely theirs. We're just concerned about you."

"I'm fine," Kyle says, forcing herself to relax in Willy's hold. "It's okay."

"It's really not, but it will be. Now come on, change into pajamas and we're gonna cuddle and watch a movie, okay?"

"Willy-" Kyle starts, but Willy puts a hand over her mouth.

"Come on, you deserve a night with a good friend and your favorite movie," Willy says, getting up and pulling Kyle with her, giving her a gentle shove in the direction of the bathroom. "Go."

Kyle smiles, already feeling some of the tension seep out of her shoulders. She doesn't take long in the bathroom to get ready, and by the time she's changed and back in bed, Willy's coming out of the bathroom. 

Willy scoops her phone up from the bedside table as she walks over to Kyle, wordlessly handing the phone over and climbing into bed next to her.

_Heyman, Nightengale fired for sexist emails,_ the headline reads. Kyle's eyes shoot up to meet Willy's in surprise and her catcher nods, a satisfied smile on her lips.

_Earlier today, Jon Heyman and Bob Nightengale were fired from their positions at MLB Insider and USA Today, respectively. Emails, which have been proven authentic, were leaked revealing Heyman and Nightengale conspiring to keep Cubs pitcher Kyle Hendricks from winning the Cy Young award because of her gender._

_'MLB Insider prides itself on inclusivity and equality, and the emails uncovered violate a core principle of our ideals,' the statement from MLB Insider, posted on Twitter, reads. 'We have taken swift action to terminate the employee who violated this principle and are providing a mandatory sensitivity training to ensure this event is not repeated.'_

_USA Today also released a statement on the matter: 'We do not tolerate prejudice towards any group, and we are deeply disappointed that one of our employees would choose to say and do such backwards things. We regret any harm that has come of his actions and have removed him from our staff.'_

_Heyman and Nightengale may have cost Hendricks the Cy Young, as without their votes, she would have beaten Max Scherzer for the award. Heyman, Nightengale, and Hendricks could not be reached for comment, but other players reacted to the news._

_"It's bull, that's what it is," Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner said. A female starting pitcher herself, Bumgarner received several Cy Young votes as well. "You'd think we'd be past this already, but I guess [expletive] not."_

_Hendricks' teammates were similarly outraged, with veteran pitcher Jon Lester both Tweeting and speaking with reporters about it._

_@JonHeyman and @BNightengale, I hope you see now that your attitude has no place in MLB these days. Kyle Hendricks is a million times better than either of you could ever hope to be._

_Lester also said that "Maybe the league needs to go through and look at who's voting on these awards. This kind of nonsense is absolutely disgusting and unacceptable. We're not in 1918, this is 2018 and Kyle Hendricks is one of the best damn pitchers I've seen. Anyone who ignores that is stupid and anyone who purposefully ignores her accomplishments or tries to write them off as being the result of our defense is deliberately obtuse at best, sexist and backwards and hate-filled at worst. They're the ones with no place in MLB, not the women who have shown time and again that they're damn good players."_

_Anthony Rizzo, first baseman for the Cubs, was also upset._

_"It's shit, plain and simple. Absolute shit. Nobody should be discounted because of their gender. If anything, Kyle should be given more credit because of the shit like this that she has to put up with."_

_All the other Cubs who spoke on the matter expressed similar sentiments, including fellow female player and catcher Willson Contreras. Max Scherzer, the recipient of the Cy Young in 2016, sought out reporters to make his opinion known._

_"MLB and the BBWAA should be ashamed of themselves. This should never have happened and it's a blemish upon baseball that people still have opinions like this. Kyle can pitch. It's as simple as that. It's why she won the pitching award that us players voted on. It's beyond time that we move past these kinds of opinions."_

_The league has not yet released a statement on the situation, nor has the BBWAA, although Heyman and Nightengale have been removed from its ranks._

_Hendricks pitched seven shutout innings last night, getting the win and continuing a strong string of recent appearances in a career that has thus far been excellent._

 

"Damn," Kyle says, passing the phone back over to Willy. "That's more than I ever expected them to do."

"It still doesn't make up for what happened, but it's something at least," Willy agrees. "Now come on, let's not talk about it for the rest of tonight and watch a good movie instead."

"Let's not talk about it for the rest of forever," Kyle says, curling up into Willy and relaxing into the arm her catcher has around her shoulders as Willy pulls up Netflix.

 

True to their words, Kyle hears nothing more from the team on the matter. Her agent reaches out to say that Heyman and Nightengale had wanted to speak to her, and though Kyle is kind of curious as to what excuses they would come up to, she denies the request. There's a division she's got to help win.

Kyle does eventually check her phone again, too, and finds supportive messages from players all around the league. It's not just women, too - there are messages from Bumgarner, but also Buster Posey and Andrew McCutchen and Mookie Betts and Scherzer and a couple dozen others. Willy keeps not so subtly leaving her phone on top of Kyle's stuff while open to supportive Tweets and Instagram posts as well. 

Kyle tries not to be disappointed at the lack of anything from her family.

Things are normal for the most part, though. She avoids the media and does her usual routine between starts, only speaking to reporters again after her next start. It'd been a solid 7 2/3 outing against the Phillies, and somebody must've told them that Kyle won't be commenting on the matter. She only gets one question on it, which she easily manages to redirect towards the actually relevant baseball. 

She's too tired to go out that night, so she returns early to the hotel room with Willy, cuddling and comparing weird and creepy messages while some action movie plays in the background. 

"God, penises are so ugly," Willy says, showing Kyle a particularly awful dick pic someone had sent her. "I just don't understand the appeal."

"Most guys don't even know how to use them," Kyle replies, making a face at the guy's picture. "I don't think I've ever had truly good sex with a guy."

"You've had sex with girls?" Willy asks, turning off her phone to look at Kyle, who can feel her cheeks heating up.

"No, I-" she breaks off awkwardly. "I usually just get myself off, these days. It's not worth it with guys anymore."

Willy laughs, bright and somehow not awkward at all. "I feel like guys just wouldn't have any idea what to do to actually get a woman to come."

"You feel like they wouldn't? Have you not-" Kyle asks, and yep, she's definitely blushing now. Willy just raises an eyebrow at her.

"I'm gay," she says, and well, that makes a lot of sense. Also explains why Kyle's never seen Willy pick up a guy when they've been out.

"Um. Congrats?" Kyle says, scratching her neck for lack of anything better to do. "I mean, uh, thanks for telling me?"

"Chill, dude," Willy says, still laughing and with that brightness in her eyes. "I'm still just me."

"I know, I know!" Kyle rushes out. "I'm just, well, glad you trust me enough to tell me. I'm sure it's not easy, being a gay woman in the majors."

"Easier than you'd think, actually," Willy says with a shrug. "People kind of expect it, but they also really don’t, so nobody bats an eye when I go home with a woman. And I'm not the only one, too. Us gay gals in baseball stick together."

"Oh," Kyle says, carefully keeping the frown off her features. Most of the women in the Cactus League will meet up a couple of times during spring training, but they rarely keep up close ties during the season. 

"Hey, you know I wouldn't do anything to make you uncomfortable, right?" Willy asks, apparently misinterpreting Kyle's reaction. "Unless you're uncomfortable sharing a room with me at all?"

"Dude," Kyle says, rolling her eyes. "We share a locker room with a majority of straight guys. And you're my best friend, of course none of this bothers me. Don't worry about it at all. I was just thinking about how much shittier dealing with shitty guys in your DMs must be, since you don't even like them."

Willy relaxes visibly, shoulders dropping from where they were practically by her ears. "I dunno, I think unwanted dick pics are pretty universally awful. You certainly don't seem to enjoy them."

"Definitely not," Kyle says vehemently. "Guys suck."

Willy laughs, grinning over at Kyle. "Good to know that's a universal feeling."

 

Kyle'd promised that Willy being gay didn't bother her, and it doesn't. It's just that she kinda can't stop thinking about it now. Every time she sees Willy smile, she can't help thinking about those lips kissing other girls. 

It's not anything Kyle's really thought about before, not in such a personal way. She's known LGBT people before, of course, but this is her best friend. She's probably just fixated on it because she didn't know that about Willy. It's just weird that she didn't know such a big thing about her best friend. That's all it is.

"Hey, Kyle." Jon claps a hand on her shoulder, halting her as she heads out of the locker room to go home. 

"Yeah?" They're at Wrigley again, coming off another win, and Kyle doesn't pitch for another two days, but she's tired. She just wants to go home with her cat and have a nice evening in.

"Come to dinner with me," Jon says, his tone making it very clear that it's not a request. Not seeing an easy way out, Kyle just nods and continues towards the parking garage, letting Jon fall into step beside her. She doesn't bother arguing when he gestures her towards his car.

Jon puts on a rock station instead of country, at least, so he’s not out to torture Kyle. She closes her eyes and leans back in her seat. This dinner really isn’t necessary, they could’ve talked about whatever Jon is concerned about in the clubhouse and Kyle could’ve gone home and tried to turn off her brain.

“Alright, c’mon,” Jon says, kicking her foot under the table once they’ve ordered their food. “What’s up with you lately?”

“I dunno, the usual. Baseball.” Kyle drags a finger over the tablecloth. “Was that all you wanted to ask?”

“Don’t give me that, I know something’s wrong. Is it still the Cy Young shit?”

“No, that was ages ago, I’ve moved on. It’s just, you know, the usual season stuff.” Kyle takes a long sip of her water and tries to look happy. Jon’s a good teammate and his attempts to help are appreciated, but it’s not like Kyle has any intention of outing Willy.

Jon sighs. “Look, I know it’s not—I talked to Willy. I was concerned about you, and she is too. She said you’ve been acting distant since she came out to you.”

“I don’t have an issue with her,” Kyle says quickly. “I love Willy, she’s my best friend. It’s just - I probably feel weird cause she’s my best friend and I didn’t know.”

“I mean-“ Jon glances down, fidgeting uncharacteristically. “I’m not saying this to stereotype, and you can tell me to fuck off if it’s inappropriate. But is it...do you have feelings for her? As more than friends?”

“I’m not gay,” Kyle says, feeling her cheeks turn bright red. “Just because I’m good at sports-“

“For starters, you’re amazing, not just good. And that’s not what I meant, not at all. It’s just that you look at her, and it looks to me like how Anthony looks at Kris, or how Ben looks at Julianna. That’s all.”

“She’s my best friend,” Kyle says firmly. “And we’re fine. I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

“Kyle, you know there’s nothing wrong with it if you are,” Jon says. 

“I know,” Kyle interjects before he can say anything else. “I love Willy, she’s my best friend. But I love her as a friend.”

“Okay. If you’re sure. But if you ever need someone to talk to-“

“I know, and I appreciate it. Thanks, Jon. But things are good between me and Willy, I’ll talk to her tomorrow.”

“Alright. Just wanna make sure our ace is both happy and healthy.”

“What, is there an issue going on in your personal life?” Kyle asks innocently, leaning forwards and putting on a concerned expression. 

“You’re our ace, man. You’re our number one for now and the future,” Jon says, too earnest.

“I think Yu would disagree with that. And Cole. And Q,” Kyle points out. “Face it, this rotation is just too stacked.”

“Well, you’re not wrong there.” Jon smiles, and Kyle feels something in her chest loosen. She’s been on her own long enough that she’s more than confident in herself, but Jon’s unwavering support has been - well, it’s definitely made her path in the majors smoother.

 

Later, though, curled in bed with Max snoring softly next to her, Kyle can’t stop thinking over what Jon had said. Anthony certainly looks at Kris like he hung the sun, and Ben’s love for Julianna is beyond obvious. But she doesn’t look at Willy like that. She’s amazing, and gorgeous, and if Kyle liked women she’d probably be in love with her. But Kyle’s interested in men. She’d kissed a boy for the first time when she was fourteen and she’d liked it. And as disappointing as men are and as hard as it is to date these days, she’s definitely not gay.

But. How does she know for sure? Kyle’s never tried kissing a woman, never really thought about it. It’s always been easy to insist that she likes guys and to leave it at that, considering what seems like half the world is convinced any woman who likes sports is a lesbian.

Ugh. Kyle’s tired, and it’s too late for this. She doesn’t need to date, she’s got a cat and a baseball team.

But maybe she’ll ask Willy about it, their next road trip.

 

“Hey, so I talked to Jon the other night,” Kyle says to Willy a couple of days later, back in yet another hotel room. She was going to bring it up sooner, really she was, but then she’d realized privacy might be better for this conversation and then the road trip was only a couple of days away, so why not just do it then?

“Yeah?” Willy sounds very noncommittal, but Kyle can see the way her shoulders tense slightly.

“I want to apologize. I’m sorry if I made you feel awkward or uncomfortable or like I was either of those with you,” Kyle says. “Jon said I’ve been acting distant, and it’s not cause of you. It’s just...some me stuff, I guess. I’ve been stuck in my head a little.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Willy says easily, and Kyle’s relieved that she seems to relax a bit. “But what’s wrong? Why are you stuck in your head?”

“I - well, I guess you coming out kind of sparked some questions for me about myself,” Kyle says quickly, before she can chicken out.

The last of the tension fades from Willy’s body, and she smiles, a genuine, gorgeous smile that lights up her face.

“Oh,” she says simply. “So you’re...”

“I don’t know. Questioning, I guess? Trying to figure things out. Any tips you’ve got on that would be much appreciated, if you have any.”

“I dunno, well - would you kiss Madison Bumgarner?”

Kyle makes a face. “I’m pretty sure Buster would take my head off with a bat if I tried.”

Willy laughs, and Kyle can’t help but smile on reflex. “Okay, bad example. How about...Keira Knightly?”

“I mean, she’s gorgeous,” Kyle says immediately. “I’m not—“ 

She can feel herself flushing and laughs awkwardly, looking away from Willy to the bedspread. 

“Hey.” Willy comes over to hug her. “Either way, it’s okay. Figuring yourself out can take some time.”

“How’d you know?” Kyle asks, dropping her head onto Willy’s shoulder with a sigh.

“It was around when my friends started being interested in dating. My girlfriends were interested in guys and I just didn’t get it. Ignored it for awhile, because I needed to focus on baseball to make it to the show. Then once I came here, I, you know, tried some things. Realized I’m a lesbian, and went from there.” 

“Okay,” Kyle says, pushing away the thought of Willy kissing and doing more with someone else. “Okay.”

She’s always been a hands-on learner, maybe she should take a page from Willy’s book and try things. 

“Also, uh, for what it’s worth,” Willy says, “if you’re thinking about it this much, it’s probably a decent chance that you’re not straight.”

“I...” Kyle trails off, frowning. She hasn’t thought about it that way. “That’s...”

“Do you want some space?” Willy asks gently. “If you need some time alone to think about it, I can crash with someone else.”

“No, no.” Kyle takes a deep breath and focuses on the room around her. “I’m fine. I’m just gonna go to bed.”

“Okay,” Willy says, giving her a quick side hug. “If you ever need a hug, you know I’m always here.”

She does know. That’s been a constant since Willy got called up. 

“Thanks,” Kyle says quietly.

It takes her a long time to fall asleep that night.

 

In the midst of Kyle’s internal crisis, the season goes on around them. They win some, they lose some, they win some more, and people continue to make way too big a deal over the 2016 Cy Young. Kyle knows she’s not in the running for it this year, not with what deGrom and Scherzer have been doing.

It still stings, when she lets herself think about it. Which is not often, because she has actual baseball to focus on. 

Kyle’s doing well, turning it on in the second half like she always seems to do. But Willy’s been slumping hard, and Kyle can see her frustration growing by the day.

It all comes to a head when Willy thinks she’s sent one out. She takes a moment to watch it, then realizes it’s not going to be a homer and has to turn on the gas as Kyle’s heart sinks from the dugout. Willy’s going to get absolutely destroyed for this. And yeah, maybe she shouldn’t have stood and watched when it wasn’t definitely going out, but she’s going to get so much more shit than any male or white player would, and it’s just not fair.

Stropy and Javy both get into it with Willy a little when she’s back in the dugout, and Willy just nods and takes it. Kyle doesn’t disagree with either of them but she still wishes Willy didn’t have to deal with it. A little bit more wind and that ball would’ve been gone, and none of this would be a problem.

Willy says everything she should to the press after the game, and Kyle knows it’s not just lip service. It never is, not with Willy. She cares too much about the game and her team and when Kyle hears Joe’s comments about it, she kind of wants to punch her manager.

Instead she goes over to Willy’s locker once the majority of the team has cleared out.

Willy doesn’t look up from where she’s tying her sneakers, not even when Kyle scoots closer to wrap an arm around her shoulders.

“Come back to my place?” Kyle asks. “We can have a girls’ night, relax and take a break for a bit.”

“I should go to the batting cages,” Willy tells her shoes. She sounds so exhausted that Kyle’s heart aches.

“No, you really shouldn’t. You should take a break. You’ve caught more innings than anyone else this season, give yourself a night off. Don’t burn yourself out.”

“I guess you’re right,” Willy says, but she still doesn’t look up, and Kyle hates the slump to her shoulders.

“Come on.” Kyle offers her a hand up and uses the grip to pull Willy in for a hug. “You’re still the best damn catcher in baseball.”

“Posey might disagree,” Willy mutters into Kyle’s shoulder, but she feels a little less tense, so Kyle’s doing her job. Sometimes a pitcher’s gotta return the favor to her catcher of taking care of her.

“Yeah? Well I disagree with him, and I went to Dartmouth, so clearly I’m smarter than he is,” Kyle says lightly. Willy laughs, which is the desired result, even if she mutters something about Kyle only getting in for her changeup.

 

“Aw, Max!” Willy drops to the ground to pet the cat as soon as they get into Kyle’s apartment. 

“Somebody’s happy,” Kyle says as Max immediately starts to purr. “You want food? I have leftover salmon from my dinner last night.”

“That would be amazing,” Willy says, scratching at Max’s cheeks. As she heads into the kitchen, Kyle can hear Willy muttering to her cat in Spanish, and it’s so adorable that Kyle wants to take a video and preserve the moment forever. She doesn’t, though, because she’s also struck by the sudden desire to kiss the top of Willy’s head when she doubles back for her water bottle.

And it’s not that Willy and Kyle aren’t physically affectionate, because they cuddle all the time on road trips and in the clubhouse and Willy always puts a hand on Kyle’s back when she comes out to the mound, but kissing is... Kyle can’t have feelings for her teammate. She’d vowed never to date a teammate back when she was a teenager.

And yeah, that was mostly because of the sexist and slut-shaming comments that would result from that - not that she doesn’t already get those - but there are more reasons it would be bad to kiss a teammate. Not least is that Willy clearly doesn’t have feelings for her.

“Want some salad on the side?” Kyle asks instead of voicing any of what she’s feeling. And if she takes the time she’s preparing the salad to admire Willy’s profile and the thick braid hanging down her back, well, nobody can prove it.

 

Max settles on the couch when Willy and Kyle head for the living room, stretching out her back legs and leaving not nearly enough room for two tall ballplayers. So Willy ends up sprawled across Kyle’s lap, and it would be way too easy for Kyle to lean down and kiss her. 

She snaps her gaze from Willy’s lips to her eyes when Willy looks up at her.

“I fucked up today,” Willy says, eyes full of emotion. 

Kyle hums noncommittally, running a hand over Willy’s thick hair. “It was still a nice hit. And you won’t do it again, so I don’t see a problem.”

“You’re the only one,” Willy says with a sigh. “I just wish-“

She makes a face and reaches out to tangle her fingers in Kyle’s spare hand. 

“Yeah,” Kyle mutters in agreement. “You ever regret it?”

Willy rolls her head to look up at the ceiling. She’s quiet for a long moment, and when she speaks, there’s none of her earlier frustration in her voice.

“Yes and no,” she says. “I’m proud of everything I’ve done, and everything we’ve done, and winning the World Series was the best thing I’ve ever felt. And it’s safer here than back home. But...I guess it would be easier if I hadn’t, in a lot of ways. And some days it just feels like all the shit is piling on because I’m a woman who plays baseball. What about you?”

“I miss my family,” is the first thing that comes out of Kyle’s mouth, taking her somewhat by surprise. “My parents never liked me playing baseball, but then when I got drafted and decided to try to make it to the Majors instead of going to grad school, they just stopped talking to me. I guess they thought that I wouldn’t make it that far so they could humor me in baseball as long as it would help me get into a good college. And then my sister and I got into a few huge fights over my lack of relationship with Mom and Dad, and now I don’t really have a family. But other than that, I wouldn’t really trade it for anything.”

“I’m sorry,” Willy says, squeezing Kyle’s hand where their fingers are still entangled. “That’s so shitty of them.”

“Hey, I’ve got you guys now,” Kyle says, proud when her voice doesn’t wobble. “And I’m damn proud of my accomplishments. Screw my parents for not seeing that.”

“That’s the attitude,” Willy says, though her smile still looks kind of sad. “Kyle, I-“

She stops and pushes herself upright, still mostly on Kyle’s lap so they’re incredibly close to each other.

“What?” Kyle asks when Willy doesn’t continue. She hopes Willy can’t hear her heart pounding and doesn’t notice Kyle’s gaze dipping to her lips before coming back up to meet Willy’s eyes.

“Tell me if no,” Willy says, and then she’s leaning in towards Kyle and then she’s - she and Kyle are kissing. Kyle’s kissing her catcher - her female catcher and her best friend. 

Willy pulls back way too fast and Kyle doesn’t chase after her, just takes a moment to catch her breath.

“I didn’t say no,” she says. “Definitely not no.”

Willy laughs, eyes lighting up in the way Kyle loves. 

“So, yes?” she asks, tangling her fingers in Kyle’s hair but waiting before leaning in again.

“Yes. Very much yes,” Kyle says, and closes the last of the distance between them. And if she had any doubts before tonight about her sexuality, those are beyond gone now; kissing Willy is like a revelation. It’s like the feeling Kyle got when she first got called up, or when she realized she was a Cy Young finalist. Maybe even as good a feeling as going to the World Series and winning it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Please drop a comment or kudos or come talk to me on tumblr at @snarky-saxophonist if you liked it!


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